A guy walks up to a girl in a bar. He slides in next to her to introduce himself. Offers her a drink.
Oblivious to her friends rolling their eyes. Her refusals were dismissed.
A no trespassing sign. Most women at some point have played the boyfriend card to fend off an aggressive guy. But the reality is that far too many men are the aggressive guy with the selective hearing. A man kills a woman on a train for refusing his advances.
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A man shoots his wife and her two students because she left him. A man shoots an innocent stranger and says his girlfriend made him do it.
Most often it is vague and hard to put your finger on. But our society is constantly telling men they have rights to us. That they own us. Men are entitled to us.
Society is unconcerned with our agency and autonomy. A young girl whittled down to the equivalent of a goat and an acre of land.
Passed down like a defective gene. As if our expression is there for him to dictate. Our mood, his to determine.
Angry that they are denied access to someone they were friendly with. As if being cool means they should automatically have rights to us.
It's a bizarre request, and...
A platform, a big following, a blue checkmark next to her name—all are cause for threats. For moving into their space. For taking up their oxygen.
For getting attention and followers and likes. They are threatened by it. They feel less powerful when they see a powerful woman. So they try to control her, bully her, intimidate her. They try to drive her off social media and sometimes out of a job.
What sane species would treat...
But Why do men try to control women them for their intended purpose is disgusting. We are here to accentuate. To be arm candy or stay quietly in the background. We should be easy going, but not easy. We should laugh easily, but not too loudly. We should be soft and sweet and curved in all the right places.
But not too curvy. You see, we are complicit in our own servitude. We should speak demurely. Speaking loudly, projecting our voice is an affront. We should calibrate our voice to precisely the tone that is pleasing to male ears. Our bodies are commodities. Our pureness to be held up as saintly. Their condescending laments laced with the fear of another ambitious woman coming dangerously close to that glass ceiling.
Their words dripping with contempt. How dare she be visible or audible when they had other ideas. Stay in your lane, Chelsea. They think nothing of laying down a guilt trip if we refuse sex. Our bodies should be open for business when he needs it, the moment he needs it. After all, we love him, right? We watch young girls, on the brink of womanhood who are ogled and leered at. Men, with their shirts straining against their dad-bods, scanning every inch of her.
Oblivious to her discomfort. Unconcerned that she is still just a child. Making her feel equal parts dirty and self conscious and guilty.
You see, she learned long ago in school that how she dresses is responsible for how men and boys act. Help us make it stop with the young girl getting dress coded because her body is a distraction to the boys.
Their actions are just a response to you. Recognize when you see ownership, in all its forms. Tell your sons and your daughters and your coworkers and your bosses and your bros. This post originally appeared on the Good Men Project. Gretchen Kelly blogs at Drifting Through My Open Mind where she writes about love, grief, equality, and social justice.
For more from the Good Men Project:. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Elections HQ Senate 35 seats. He appears immune to her Not interested s and her No thank you s.
And it all comes down to ownership. We watch in horror as it plays out in the most grotesque ways. We are not your property.
Many women still define their...
You are not entitled to our bodies or our minds or our emotional labor. We are not your participation trophies. We are not your conquest or your ego boost. Our role in the home or the board room or online is not yours to define. Our wholeness is not a threat to your existence. Help us stop the cycle of entitlement. We are not your bitch, your slut, your problem. We are not your excuse, your reason, your burden.
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For more from the Good Men Project: Go to mobile site. This list of ten things women do that drive men away was compiled from hand, jealous and possessive women are well known for their deliberate attempts to. may be cheating by playing manipulative games to keep him within her control. Why would a woman stay in a relationship with a guy who puts her down, hems her in, There are men who aren't a bit subtle about their need for control.
Try to leave and they threaten to hurt you or your kids or other people you care about. When I asked what I needed to do to [make partner] I was told I needed Men are socialised to believe they have control over women's bodies.