If you are in a relationship with a person who is incapable of considering your feelings, denies you their personal thoughts, or is hypersensitive to what others think of their success, material articles or intelligence, you may be sharing your life with a narcissist. In the extreme case of narcissism, the person may be completely self absorbed and can only think of how situations affect them. Known as detachment dysfunctiona narcissist may have had a profound childhood trauma that developed into an absolute mistrust of other human beings, and found the only use for them as tools.
Extreme narcissists are trapped in childhood, and have never matured into an adult with empathy or the ability to share.
After many arguments without any resolution to the problems of your relationship, or the sudden realization that you have lost control of your life, you may consider leaving the narcissist and regain your sense of self. Unfortunately, you may be suffering from a depression from the effects of a tumultuous experience known as burnout. Finding the strength to leave may be compromised.
So, what is the hold the narcissist has on you? Why can't you end this painful relationship that is leaving you physically and mentally exhausted? Narcissistic personality disorder is a broad spectrum of degrees, shapes and sizes. Researchers believe that it develops from psycho-social, environmental, genetic and biological factors in a complex process of development. Healthy narcissism is a person who cares about their safety, loves their inner self and looks out for their health.
However, some people have become frozen in childhood, and have never learned to express the empathetic nature of caring about another person. Often, this person has experienced an extreme trauma or detachment that was never resolved. Closing their inner truths and feelings has left them isolated and vacant.
Typically, the trauma occurred at an early age and the devastated child continues to be locked up inside them. There are many different degrees of narcissistic personality disorder, and not everyone is in the extreme end of the spectrum. However, the reluctance to discuss their inner personal feelings or true emotions is a common trend in narcissism. Often, you will find yourself giving up control in your life to keep your partner happy.
Your trips to see your family and friends may shorten and become farther apart in time. You may give up your finances to keep the peace, or maybe you feel like a stranger redecorated your house because there is nothing of you in it.
Although it is disturbing, it may be better than the continuous "bad mood" and incessant bickering of your partner if you don't comply. Eventually, the narcissist may have taken over your life and you feel as though you have become helpless without him.
As a good person, you may believe that eventually the narcissist will come around and love you back with the same compassion that you provide them. Breaking away from a narcissist idea of give and take in a relationship is a valued component of a love match that the narcissist is not capable of in the long term.
If they promise not to treat you as they have in the past, they cannot not sustain the facade for very long. It is common to leave a narcissist spouse or partner several times before the final breakup. They know what you want to hear and will promise Breaking away from a narcissist become the person that will treat you better, not abuse you, not lie to you, not control you, be more flexible, give you your space, trust you, etc.
But a true narcissist cannot sustain those ideals and eventually return to their former behavior. A narcissistic spouse will ask you to come back at intervals Breaking away from a narcissist will lie and promise anything if you to return. When you agree to "loving them" you feed the narcissistic supply of admiration and adoration in your narcissistic spouse.
Usually, just when you feel you are healing and ready to move on, the narcissist returns with gifts and promises of showing you how they love you. Eventually, you find that nothing has changed in the relationship. Welcome to Co-Dependents Anonymous, a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships.