I had never once questioned my sexuality. Even when I began to pique the interest of several of my lesbian friends, I stuck with heterosexuality.
I was a bit of a late bloomer. I had my first kiss at the age of 15, with a church boy that, immediately afterward, called me an asshole for not being ready to go farther.
Between then and the beginning of my freshman year of college, I kissed two more boys. One was my awkward attempt at friends-with-benefits, whose sister caught us mid-fellatio. The first semester of my college career brought a slew of new experiences.
For the first few weeks of school, I fell into a whirlwind relationship built on sex and sex alone. I broke it off when I realized that I was leading him on.
After that, there were several drunken hook-ups and one night stands, some of which I remember and others that I do not. Then came the dry spell. This sounds rather ridiculous, but in your freshman year of college, a month is a long time. On our last night out before finals week, I met a girl. That night, I had been looking for a guy to dance with or hook-up with, to no avail.
Girl hookup a girl for the first time basically forced my ass onto the crotch of a guy who, minutes later, was lying on the floor of the bathroom with his head in the toilet, puking up the excessive amounts of alcohol he drank earlier that night. I was so sad. Not a single person at the party felt I was worthy of their time.
We were drunk and complimentary. But then, she popped the question.
She immediately hopped off the table she had been dancing on in the shitty house owned by slovenly college men and grabbed my hand, leading me outside. She whipped out a Black and Mild for us to share and told me I was beautiful again, this time with intent.
Before we could smoke the entire cigarillo, her lips were pressed against mine and my tongue was in her mouth. Her hands were on the small of my back and in my hair. Was this what it felt like to be wanted as a human being rather than a one night stand?
We kissed and we danced and we kissed some more. In front of everyone.