Would you be my boyfriend? But, ugh — well, I have a chronic-illness. Does that make me any less appealing to you?
Do you now want to run for the hills? Or would you be my boyfriend? Can you remember my triggers? You think you could hold my hand when I walk up large flights of stairs? I have ataxia so sometimes my legs convulse uncontrollably and I can barely stand. Like, if I throw up, will you throw up?
Because I throw up at least once a day. What about holding me at night while my body convulses?
Would you hold me tighter or just sleep at your house instead? What about the constant threat of life or death, the responsibility of my life?
A split-second of hesitation and my life is on you. Would you do it?
Actually, I mean it quite literally. Obviously love matters to me, but I also realized just how much I would need to lean on my person.
In between his incessant desire to marry me and make beautiful mixed babies, I found myself not questioning his ability to be a father, husband or financial provider for my future beautiful babies. I wanted to know if he could take care of me if — no, when — the time comes. Every relationship takes work. Especially the romantic sort of relationships. Unfair that my energy levels temper my desire to interact with people or go out on dates in public.
Unfair that my sexual desire is barely existent. Unfair that our relationship could potentially be more about me than us, because at the end of the day, my life is always in the balance. So would you be my boyfriend?
Would you be the significant other of a chronically ill person, having met them while sick? It gave me hope. It should give you hope. You will find love — there is someone out there for you.
Be patient with the universe. But remember when you have a burning desire in your heart for something, the universe has no choice but to enact the law of attraction and evoke reciprocity. So I have hope — hope not for a boyfriend, but hope in humanity. There are people in this world who have chosen to love someone unconditionally, to be there for better or for worse and to Dating a woman with chronic illness that love to be enough to want to be there, to really be there. Usually guys would freak and allow the overwhelming harsh reality of my condition deter them from wanting to invest in me as a person.
I am human too. Illness or not, I deserve to be loved and give love in return, just as much as every one of you. We want to hear your story.
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